It doesn't go away over night. That body image; intense fear of food and gaining weight; urges to binge, purge or restrict: they are hard nuts to crack.
But just because it is hard, does not mean it is by any means impossible.
It just makes it all the more rewarding when you beat it.
One thing you have to do is challenge your eating disorder.
This means doing something you are uncomfortable with. It will not be easy, and most likely it will not be comfortable or pleasant. However, it will prove how strong you are, and also, on most occasions, prove that your belief or fear is in fact entirely false and irrational.
These challenges can be done in a number of ways. I've suggested a few below, but there is no "right" or "wrong" with this: it's whatever works best for you.
* Please note: challenging yourself doesn't have to be a physical thing- it can be something as simple as waking up every day for a week and telling yourself that you will be ok and no matter how much you struggle, you deserve to be happy and will do whatever you can to get there; instead of usual thoughts like "I can't do this" or "I hate myself and I do not deserve to get better".
Challenges like this can often be the most helpful, as behaviours are simply responses to an emotion or thought created by a core belief, and of you change this core belief things become A LOT easier *
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Bear this quote in mind; you will be scared, but that should not mean you don'tdo it.
Usually the things you are scared of doing are, in fact, the most worthwhile. |
1) Fear Food Challenge
Set yourself a day and a food you'd like to eat that you are scared of or haven't eaten in a while due to your eating disorder. Common ones are chocolate and puddings, but to start of perhaps try something small and less difficult, and work your way up.
E.g. Instead of trying a full fat chocolate mouse, why not try a low fat one first, then later once you are more comfortable with that, try something slightly more scary, and keep repeating until you've eaten all the foods you are scared of, and you'll find that you no longer have fear foods!
Usually having a fear of a certain food is because of your belief about them being unhealthy or making you gain weight etc., but quite often when doing these challenges you'll find that actually they don't make you gain weight! This proves your fear wrong and makes it easier to challenge these thoughts with factual evidence behind it.
The only caution I have to say about this challenge is be careful that you allow yourself to work upwards and start with an easy one, and most importantly, DO NOT restrict to make up for your challenge. If you do that then it will only counteract the challenge, and will probably most likely just make you feel worse and more out of control.
If you feel like you'd struggle with restriction doing the challenge, plan exactly what you will eat that day with a parent or guardian/ someone you trust, and give that plan to them so that they are in complete control of it instead of you- so you won't have the option of restricting, or the guilt of "I could have not eaten that" etc.
2) Body image challenge
Do something to challenge body image issues. This can be wearing something that you feel slightly nervous about wearing because you think you look "fat" in it or you think people will judge you etc., or this could be not allowing yourself to body check for 24 hours, or only letting yourself body check once a day if this is something you really struggle with.
(Remember- you can build it up and start by just trying to reduce it rather than stop altogether, and after a bit of practice you'll be able to challenge it more and more.)
You may not really realise what your belief is at first, but by doing the challenges and seeing what thoughts and feelings come up, usually you will find out your core belief, which then makes it easier to tackle and set challenges around it.
With body image, you may think that body checking will make you feel better. Well, if you do a week of no body checking at all, see how you feel about your body. Do you feel better or worse? I have done this challenge myself, and I found that it made me feel a whole lot worse checking my body, not better! So my core belief was wrong, and now I can work on breaking my behaviour. After all, the behaviour is illogical and really has no proof to support it at all.
... and many more!...
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My personal challenge this week:
- I'm not all talk; I do these challenges too!
I have overcome many obstacles recently, and I swear over the last few weeks things have moved so fast.
I've gone from being depressed and occasionally suicidal to accepting myself and my body and embracing life and realising that I am human, and therefore I deserve happiness just like everyone else.
I still struggle to believe that sometimes, but even being able to believe that some of the time is a huge achievement for me. What is an achievement for one person might be the easiest thing to another, but what's important is it's value to YOU.
This week I have eaten out not once, but TWICE. I had my first dinner out at a pub and had a massive chocolate brownie for pudding too, and today I had PIZZA for the first time in a year, or perhaps over a year!
For some reason pizza has always been my ultimate "fear food", along with bananas, and although I overcame all the others, those two stuck.
A month ago I would never have dreamed about eating either. Yet today I ate a whole pizza at a restaurant! When you manage to do something like that it makes you realise that you really can do anything you put your mind to (except fly perhaps...). And guess what? I enjoyed it too.
So remember: you can beat this, you can achieve, you can be happy.
Stay strong everyone and keep fighting,
Hannah xox
