Personal Progress #1

Sorry I've been away for a while - it's nearly GCSEs and I've been so busy! Just thoght I'd update this blog on my process :)

I get weighed once or twice a week at the moment, and yesterday I found out I am 0.1kg away from my target band! (A band is a 1kg zone where you are supposed to be at). I am so excited; I was so hopeless a few months ago because I never thought I'd get there. I felt so depressed- what was the point in trying if I couldn't do it?
Well to anyone out there recovering who is reading this, just rememeber that no matter how likely or unlikely it seems, it is possible.

I've been eating out every so often, and I'm actually learning to enjoy it again! I had the most delicious brownie, which feels pretty weird to have to be honest; it's just so odd that I'm finally at the stage I can have that and enjoy it again. Of course the guilt comes with it, but I can learn to deal with that. At least the rational part of me knows it is good and urges me to keep going.

I've eaten lunch at school a few times over the last 3 weeks, which is actually a huge achievement for me as it's hard being there to eat when it reminds me of how I was when I was at my worst. But now I know that there is more to life than being skinny, and I don't want to be that sad and scared little girl now. It's time to enjoy the rest of my life and the opertunities that will only come if I am well.

I now go to school 5 mornings a week and 3 afternoons, and I'm doing alright at catching up the work. I don't really feel part of a group at school- but I have 4 amazing best friends who have stuck by me through everything, and I would not be where I am without their wonderful support and love <3 (So if any of you read this; thank you, from the bottom of my heart).

My body image isn't great, but I'm learning to just move past the fact that I think I look fat, and just accept my body for the way it is. We will all have areas of our bodies we don't like, whether you have an eating disorder or not, but life isn't about your physical apperance. Looks don't matter- you can do anything you want, regardless of your shape and size. Well, that's what I've learnt. Confidence is all you need, and I will work on that [my confidence is that of a gnat].

Hope you're all doing well, and hope this wasn't too boring! Just wanted to show that it is possible to get back to a normal life after having an eating disorder :)

Hannah xox