Raising awareness in action!

Today is the 7th and final day of Eating Disorders Awareness week! 

And for the last day of this awareness week, I finally managed to post something on my personal instagram! (didn't manage Facebook because way more people follow me, but I'm proud I managed something at least.)

I had to cut down what I wrote below so it wouldn't go over the max words it would post, but I thought I'd post the longer version on here.

Today is the last day of Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2014, and I have finally plucked up the courage to post something about it. I feel physically sick posting this, but I am determined to raise awareness and break stigma about eating disorders, so I'm doing it anyway.

But why should I be ashamed; why should I hide it? 

If I had broken my leg I wouldn't be afraid to tell someone, so why should eating disorders be any different? They shouldn't.

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa on the 9th May 2013, and I've been at the Priory for 4 months recovering from it. It is only with their help and huge amounts of support and encouragement from my family and few close friends that I've nearly beat it.

Last year was hell. At my worst I was so cold all the time, I couldn't focus on conversations at all, I fell behind at school and felt weak and tired. I'm just thankful my parents spotted it before it got any worse or went on for any longer.

You don't "choose" to have an eating disorder.

It starts off as an innocent idea to eat healthily and stop eating so much chocolate etc, but before you know it it can spiral out of control and become a full-blown eating disorder. 

Anorexia isn't just "being skinny". It's in your head; you can't concentrate on anything except food, exercise, calories and body image. You lose everything: your friends, your happiness, your health. And no matter how thin you get, you will never be happy with your appearance. You don't see yourself how you really are, your perception becomes warped and wrong. People with eating disorders aren't "attention seeking", they don't want the illness any more than any other person. It's hard to recover from when you're in the grips of the illness, no matter how hard you try. But it is possible.

Also, just because you see yourself as bigger than you actually are, does not mean that you think everyone else who are normal sizes are fat; it doesn't work like that.

You don't have to be thin to have an eating disorder either; it's a mental health condition, and being underweight or overweight are just physical consequences/ symptoms of it.

Eating disorders can come about for all sorts of reasons, but often they are caused by stress and feeling out of control of your life. People turn to food as a way of coping, and it is so easy to fall into the grips of an eating disorder. But they only create more problems- and need lots of help and support to overcome.

If you think you know someone suffering from an eating disorder, tell someone about it. You might just save their life.

* * *

And you know what? So far I haven't had a single mean comment for it, and quite a few people had like the photo which means they must support it, so it was worth it after all. I've also had a few really lovely comments- even from people I hardly know! That makes me so happy.

Hope you all had a good Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2014,

Hannah xox

It's Time to Talk

Today is day 2 of Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2014.

Eating disorders, and all mental health issues to be honest, are rarely talked about in everyday conversation.

People who aren't sufferes are afraid to ask and usually don't understand due to the lack of education surrounding mental health issues; and people who have eating disorders or other mental health issues are afraid to speak out about their illness.

The way mental health illnesses are viewed in society needs to change, as people are afraid to admit they have a mental health issue and many do not recover help because of this. Also, due to the lack of knowledge surrounding eating disorders and mental health issues, many don't even realise themselves that they are ill.

My school (I won't say the name), is a private all girls school, and eating disorders are 3 to 4 times more likely there than a mixed state school.
Yet my school hasn't done a single thing for Eatring Disorders Awareness Week. No posters, no assemblies, nothing. And there are so many people in our school struggling with eating disorders, and they know that and yet still do nothing! They want to be in their perfect little bubble and pretend they don't exist. But they do exist, and not talking about it doesn't make the problem go away. It only makes it worse.

Mental health issues need to be talked about. It is nothing to be ashamed of and should not be a "taboo" subject.

Image via here.

If you asked someone with a mental health issue how they were getting on, even if they didn't want to talk, they would still appreciate the gesture.

I know myself that if people asked me about it, I would happily talk to them just like a normal conversation. Unfortunately it isn't like that.
- I still haven't plucked up the courage to write a post about Eating Disorders Awareness Week on my Facebook or Instagram, and my cousins still don't know so I can hardly post it on social media when I know they will see!

I wish I could tell people without them juding me. That is why this week is so, so important.

Please keep spreading the word, and talk about it! There is nothing wrong with asking questions or being curious about it- it isn't easy to understand, true; but if you ask someone who either has an eating disorder or knows someone who does, I'm sure you'll soon have a better understanding and therefore be able to be there for people in the future etc.

Stay strong, and raise awareness!

Hannah xox

A snack here, a snack there...

Photo via here

I'm sure many of you feel the same way about snacking as me: that if you have 3 main meals AND 3 snacks, or more, you will gain TONS of weight and will turn into a potato within a few days.

Well you know what guys?

That's Ed talking. 

That simply isn't true!

You are NOT going to turn into a vegetable (in any situation this would be highly unlikely) just from eating a little bit more!

Most of the time when you think you are eating so much more than everyone else, you are actually only eating a normal amount of maybe even less!

Yet again- that's Ed playing tricks!

When you've lost weight and you've been eating too little, your body needs the fuel to repair your cells and keep your internal organs safe and running. Surprisingly, a few kilograms really doesn't make much difference to the way you look, much of it will go to padding your internal organs etc to make sure they are well protected and can run properly.

Photo via here

Also, most of us see ourselves a lot bigger than we actually are.

If you are underweight there is no way you are fat! - whatever you might see.

If you aren't underweight and you have a healthy BMI with an eating disorder, it must be such a huge struggle- but you shouldn't compare yourself to others. You should be proud of the fact that your body is healthy even if your mind isn't quite, and you should work on the mental things until your ED is gone for good.

And can I just point out, is "fat" the worst a person can be? 

People who judge you on how you look don't deserve to be part of your life. However cheesy it ,at sound, it's true: it's what's on the inside that counts.

Also, snacking is completely normal! Tons of my friends snack all the time, they eat loads of chocolate and biscuits and "unhealthy" foods without a care, and they aren't fat!

People eat food to enjoy it. It's time we started to do that again.

I know many people with EDs hate eating in front of other people or in public (myself included), but really- everyone eats and most people don't think twice about it!

- who really cares if there's a girl sitting on a beach in the park eating a chocolate bar?

Who cares if you're walking down the high street and you see a boy eating a packet of crisps?

No one. Most people don't even think about it, let alone judge someone because they are eating or what they're eating! 

So why not just eat wherever? Yes, people who know you have an eating disorder might just keep am eye on you to check you are eating, but that's only because they care and they want to help. 

And if you eat something and you think it's really yummy? Good for you! Don't let Ed make you feel guilty by saying you shouldn't be enjoying food- because you should!

People eat for all sorts of reasons, not just if they are hungry!

People eat when they're bored, tired, emotional, at a social event- anything!

Eating is just part of life- Ed us just a lying twat.

***

I think I've made most of my points here, sorry it was so long! 

I hope this helps someone. Thinking about it all and writing it down has really helped me.

***

So, my lessons from this post?

.
- eat what you want

- where you want

- when you want.

- snacking is a normal human behaviour

- no one cares what or when you eat

- nobody in public will stare at you for eating

- Ed will often try to trick you- so watch out!

- "fat" is not the worst a person can

- have people in your life who care about who you are, not what you look like

- enjoy food because that's what it's there for!

***

I'll leave you with this little photo which made me smile.

Let's all have the same attitude as Winnie the Pooh.

Photo from here

- Hannah xox

For The First Time - my lyrics

I'm currently on bed rest at home (waiting for a bed to become available at an inpatient unit >.< ) so I decided to carry on with my blog a bit more.

I started writing these lyrics a few days ago and I wasn't going to do anything with them, but seeing as I have time I thought I'd share it with you.

My lyrics are about the battle in my head and my thoughts with anorexia- it isn't triggering but it isn't exactly happy either.

Please tell me what you think of it and if you want me to publish more song lyrics/poems/writing.

***

This is For The First Time, by The Script.

Have no idea why I chose this song, I just started writing lyrics to it and had it in my head!